Vice here.
I'm here once again to blather on about my hang-ups. I am a conundrum, I am. I am a very free person sexually. I am an accepting person sexually.
But I draw the line here.
Barely legals for men over the age of, say 30, is just morbidly, epically wrong, in MY opinion. Men who have daughters the ages of the girls they lust over have serious swine issues. I think, giving the male species the benefit of the doubt, they don't *think* about it really. Their biology teaches them to find the youngest, reddest, pinkest, juiciest pussy to pork so that their gene pool will survive.
But there comes a time, guys, when the super-ego and the libido need to meet and have coffee. It would look and sound something like this:
Super: L, we need to talk.
Libido: About...? And did you see the FINE ass on our hostess? I'd like to fill her cupcake....
Super: Libido, keep it in your pants, she's only, like 16!
Libido: She's old enough to bleed, she's old enough to breed....
Super: *sigh* I think we've started on the wrong foot. Libido, look at me...look at ME not the server--she's even younger! Cut it out a second, willya? I really need to talk to you!
Libido: Talk, talk, talk, that's all you wanna do. I wanna do....ooh, her, look at that fine--
Super: Libido, I can cut you off--anytime. All I have to do is think of mom.
Libido: Shit. Fine. Fine. What?
Super: I wanna talk about Lindsay.
Libido: Suhweet! Lohan? Have you seen those tits?
Super: NO, Libido, Lindsay, our daughter.
Libido: Dude. No. I cant't hear you. La la la la la--
Super: She's tuning eighteen tomorrow, Libido. And I've noticed the way you've been lingering looks on her friends.
Libido: Fresh meat! ha ha ha ha!
Super: Libido, is Lindsay 'fresh meat', too?
Libido: Dude. I've never punched a Super Ego out before, but don't think I won't. You are one sick mother fuck--oh, gross, mother--see? Now you've got me all conflicted n' shit.
Super: Good! Because you ought to be conflicted. Your nature and instinct is to seek out the young and healthy.
Libido: Mmmm, young...healthy...
Super: Ehem. Focus. Our daughter is now young and healthy. She has been for a few years, now. I've let you run rampant with lusty thoughts about these magazines and porn sites you visit--the "Barely Legals"--for too long. We need to grow up.
Libido: How the hell do we grow up?
Super: A couple of ways, Libido. Fist off, every time you have a lusty thought about a girl around Lindsay's age, think how you would feel if one of our buddies at work or who we play hoops with confided in you that they wanna 'tap' our daughter.
Libido: I'd kill the mother fuck--shit!
Super: Exactly. Every one of those girls is some dudes's daughter. Capisca?
Libido: Oh MAN. Crap. Okay...so what else do we do?
Super: One word, Libido.
Libido: What?
Super: Can you say MILF?
***
This little scene is what every man should have going on in his conscious mind if he a) is 30 or older, b) has daughters 16 and older, c) has a super ego to begin with.
But too many don't. They don't consciously think of the women they're viewing and lusting after because it's too hard to have a conscience about them. It's easier to just let the balls do the thinking. But guys, it's time to grow up.
Recently, Bent went on a mini-trip to a mini-town in our mini-state. I expected him home at 12am or 1am. He arrived at 3:30am. I wasn't happy because I was awake every hour, worrying. When he got home and nonchalantly told me he stopped to rest a few times, I was a little confused. Then I got a little peeved., but I didn't know why until a few days later when I found this, or a semblance of it, in the car, hidden in a box in the back.
Only their airbrushed, magazine asses were much bigger, in remembrance, Bent said, diplomatically, of yours truly's ass. THIS ass:
But see...I wasn't looking at the girls' asses in the magazine. I was looking at their faces.
Bent knows that if he's to look at porn, the women need to be more mature.
But he only saw the asses on the magazine, and he missed mine. Awwwwww, sweet.
Right.
So tonight Bent leaves for a BIG town, far away from this mini-town and I have serious doubts and trust issues. I know Bent loves me. Bent has had a serious talk with his libido about the youngins. He's reformed.
But asses always catch their eyes first.
So it is.
I just may have an ass of my own to check out tomorrow. A candidate for a male third. I think the timing is both good--and bad. Bad because Bent will be uncomfortable if we aren't 100% connected and I have drinks, coffee with another, younger man. Good because....Bent will be uncomfortable. And that's where I want him to sit for a moment, as bad as that sounds, because there's nothing like walking in your partner's shoes to help you see what can help--and what can hurt.
Love, Vice
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